my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
