do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
