Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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