god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Randomize
