I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Randomize
