T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Send help, water and tortillas.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
