he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
