Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
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