hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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