just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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