so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
