Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
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