Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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