If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
