I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
