I wanna passion pit in your ass
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
