Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
