when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
