My friends, they love my intelligence
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Randomize
