we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
