He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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