I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
You're like the curious george of whores
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
