No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Randomize
