someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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