She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
