I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
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