He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
