How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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