I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
