420 ftw
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
operation harelip BJ is a go
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
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