Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Randomize
