And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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