Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Your mouth is God's brothel.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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