On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
