omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
