What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
