Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
