I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Panties = found
Randomize
