Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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