...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
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