The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
