It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
