Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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