Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
