I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
