awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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