Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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