I can text with my tongue
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
the gays at disneyland are vicious
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
