Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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