PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
