i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
