You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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