Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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