I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
