Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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