Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
