can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
