I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
just tell him i said nine months
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Randomize
