I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
