My liver just broke up with me...
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
